Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Taking control

Some nights as I go to bed, a thought crosses my mind: That I might not wake up.
Nothing gloom or doom about it, mind you. I'm in fairly good health. In my over active imagination an electrical short or accidental spark would set the house on fire. I'd never hear the fire alarm and due to the smoke, I'd never wake up.
You can't tell just by looking how much I rely on the rest of my family. Normally, a child expects the parents to protect them from harm... and rightfully so.
But every night I trust that my wife or one of my daughters will awaken me in time. We discussed escape plans in case of fire and what to do in a worst case scenario, but I sleep the uneasy peace of my life being taken from me.
That may sound weird and it certainly felt strange to write it, but I don't fear death. I came closer to having my ticket punched than I'm going to admit. My glimpse into that twilight time, between the peaceful black and the living world, left me with nothing to fear. Indeed, I'm looking forward to it.
That doesn't mean I want my demise to happen before my time. Quite the opposite: I'm not done here yet!
In the time I have left, (many decades I hope.) I wish to fill it with as much as possible. There are problems to solve, children to raise, oceans to cross and mountains to climb.
I don't fear dieing, I'm afraid of what I will leave unfinished.  

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