Friday, July 5, 2013


This is Slick Willie reporting from an undisclosed location. The reason it's undisclosed is I have no flipping idea where I am!
Geographically, I'm in the Texas Hill Country. Here's where we get vague.
I'm out past Wimberley, which is southwest of Austin.
When the directions state: 'count the gates', I knew I was in the sticks. The directions also stated, "Look for the green fence."
I kid you not. Considering the sun set about 20 minutes before I got here, I think I did pretty damn good job of finding a fence in the dark, period!
A lot of people worry, but I actually have a pretty good sense of direction. Comes from growing up in the desert.
A long time ago, we had a bonfire kegger out in the middle of nowhere. (We had lots of parties as it turned out.) As teens, we were smart enough to get our hands on a keg of beer whenever we wanted with little difficulty. It was also easy to elude law enforcement. Just go past the city limits and down some dirt roads known only to a few locals.
Here's where the sense of direction comes in. You can be drunk with your  buddies. As long as that mountain range you see in the distance is on your left, you're in good shape. That's west Texas for you.
Now for being out in the middle of nowhere, I have to admit the wi-fi is pretty decent. We're the first people to use this house... ever. One of the showers doesn't have hot water. That's okay, we can work around that.
I don't have to know my way around a town personally, I look for geographical landmarks and signs. A year or two ago, one of my beloved family members gave me directions up to Marble Falls. I had to take 'this' route. So humoring them to the best of my ability, I drive up the way they recommended. Don't get me wrong, it was the correct way, just not the quickest route. The whole drive up I was thinking; 'If only I took 35 to Austin and then swung over, I could have done this in half the time.'
Another story from long ago:
I was staying at a friends house, when we heard screams coming from the girl who lived in the house behind us.
'Run this way!' a few of the guys told me. Indeed, I ran in the direction indicated, focusing on the streetlights not too far away. They neglected to mention the chain link fence between the properties. I ran full speed into the top metal bar, flipped over the top by sheer inertia and collapsed flat on my back on the other side. All thoughts of rescuing the girl vanished as my lungs tried not to collapse. The next day I had quite the bruise to show for my night excursion.
Some times I think my friends are dicks.
But I can't wait till morning to see what this place looks like.

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