Random things that cross my desk

It seems Texas's best kept secret is out.

You lucky dogs

If you're in the U.S., type in your zip code here to find the closet store that sells Shiner. Not to name names, but if you type in 19460, you'll see 18 locations including the Superior Depot and Beverage World as well as Wegmans.
Just doing my part to combat weak tasteless beers. Yeah, I'm looking at you Budweiser.

In the kill them with humor department, some creative types in North Carolina have been using humor to counter act the anti-choice groups. I don't know what they can do to bring back Crystal Pepsi. Personally, I wasn't impressed when I tried it.
Humor and love trumps hate. Always.

Sometimes we need a pick me up. There is a site run by Randy Cassingham called Jumbo joke. Clean jokes loaded up daily. What I think is cool is that the jests are indexed. Want to open your next speech with a clean joke about doctors? There are thousands of anecdotes and humorous stories on this site.  Jumbo joke never fails to lift my spirits.
 I hit publish when I meant to hit preview. Oops.

Fighting fire with... humor?

Not too long ago, I was ranting on the gun nuts we have here in Texas. These ammosexuals believe they have the second amendment right to bring their AK-47 into a mall or fast food restaurant. 'Come and take it Texas', (that's what they really call themselves.) have been going about having little flash mob gatherings with their automatic weapons. A restaurant here, a Home Depot there... Then some ladies from Austin decided to bring their own weapons to the gathering.

They went topless. 
Now here's what I find funny: These macho he-men are brandishing their guns, trying to act all big and tough, but when a couple of bare breasted ladies show up, they scamper away like the cowards they are.
This is what I find wrong with America in general. Certain groups try to instill fear and intimidate others, but they can't handle a little skin. They think it's inappropriate for a gal to go topless, well the rest of us think it's wrong to go waving your gun around in public.
That's not the way you impress people, guys.
This open carry group consists of conservative idiots who probably couldn't spell amendment, let alone point to it on the Constitution. How do I stand by such an accusation? By pointing out the words in the header of the article. I'd rather have lunch with a skanky topless libtard than a redneck asshole any day.
Never underestimate the power of boobs.

Slow down

For the last few days, I've noticed a problem. When I visit a web page, the site doesn't load completely. I have to hit the refresh button two or three times. This isn't for some high volume Twitter or Reddit feed (to which I still haven't joined.) This is just to access my blog.
The kids are reading or watching You Tube while I'm trying to get this thing loaded. My e-mail account has been slow to process, to the point where I have to ask myself, 'did I actually push that button?' No, there's a little squiggly circle thing that indicates G-mail is busy. Let's go to a web comic and get caught up on the latest shenanigans of my  favorite characters. The blank screen is sometimes worse than a blue screen of death. Forget Facebook, it simply locks up.
Click that refresh button again.
Seriously, what have I done to offend the internet Gods?
Virus scan and malware software come up clean. Hmm, what could be the problem?
Five bars on my wi-fi.
Maybe this is that net neutrality thing the cable/telcoms are trying to kill. Perhaps I'm not paying enough for the fast lane access. 


That pretty much sums that up. I met Lar DeSouza in Austin a few years back. He's a fun guy and I'm a big fan of his artwork. If you're not offended by the occasional f-bomb or politically incorrect rhetoric, give Least I Could Do a look.

But back to my problem: why is the internet so slow this week?
I've gone to other places that have free wi-fi and things seem pretty much normal speed. Perhaps I need to talk to AT&T, but that will have to wait until the wife gets home. Arrgh! Things get fixed so much faster when you talk to a human over the phone. The irony of sending a text over a reduced connection regarding the reduced connection staggers the mind.
Last week I had to help a deaf customer apply for a credit card. The credit company needed to ask her some questions and they required her to answer them on the phone.
Think about that one.
I got selected for Federal jury duty a while back. It required I call their automated voice mail system and receive instructions on where and when to report for the civic function. I sent in the required paperwork and my wife received a call on her phone saying I was excused from jury duty.
Do we see a pattern here?
When I get my writing career up and running full time, I am anticipating having a conversation. My future agent/ publisher will want to talk to me on the phone. I will say that it will have to be face to face or via e-mail. People will think I'm some sort of hermit or agoraphobic. If you know me, then you know the opposite is true.
My family helpfully assists me in dealing with nuances in the hearing world, for that I'm eternally grateful. Perhaps my frustration is because I once knew what it was like to function in a hearing world and now, I'm doing it in a reduced capacity. I call it second class citizenship. 
'But you're not really. You have the same rights as everyone else,' I can hear people say. 
A quote from George Orwell springs to mind. "All animals are created equal, although some animals are more equal than others."
If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...

Time flying

"So, 31 days and counting."
My daughter looked at me and nodded. "Yep."
It was that quiet determination or  maybe the resigned inevitability that pretty soon, she'll be gone. Not out of my life gone, but ready to take on the world on her own. I keep telling myself it's not goodbye. That way I don't bawl my eyes out like a baby.
Today, furniture got rearranged. Daughter #3 is going into one bedroom while daughter #2 is setting up shop, making the room hers and hers alone.
We're moving forward. I told my editor that my book will be coming her way very shortly. Things are looking up.
Yesterday a friend came up and whispered a juicy tidbit of gossip. "I think you should know, so-and-so thinks you're dangerous."
My first thought was, 'Well, of course,' but it went deeper than that. "Why does she think I'm dangerous?"
"Because you're deaf." came the reply. "She thinks you're an accident about to happen and you shouldn't work here."
That hurt. 'She should walk in my shoes.'
Right there is the mentality I'm dealing with. What all deaf people deal with. Wanna know the reality? I've lost nothing.
It doesn't take anything away from who I am. I've lost some friendships, but many of my relationships got stronger. I made wonderful new friends and cherish the ones that stuck around.
There was a time when deaf people couldn't drive, or have basic human rights.   
Those links are part and parcel of what the deaf deal with. Let me tell you about some of my experiences.
In June of 2002 San Antonio experienced massive flooding. How bad was it?

Yeah, that bad

I remember dams overflowing, levees failing and the drainage ditch behind my house turning into a rapid river/ kayaker's fantasy.
How did some of my deaf friends fair?

That's a highway underwater

One of my friends went out into his backyard to enjoy his morning coffee. Unbeknownst to him, His neighborhood had left for higher ground. His first clue something was wrong was the house next to his had been severely flooded and was about to be washed away.

A quick Google search for San Antonio 2002 flood will yield a lot pictures, some more eye opening than the ones above.
Generally police are getting better at dealing with the deaf. I got a speeding ticket two or three years ago and was able to lip read my way through the process.
Whenever the deaf have to deal with the police, we let them know right away  that we're deaf. But that's if we see them and they see us. Several of my friends have been snuck up on by our boys in blue. Imagine working in your garage, getting your fishing poles ready for the weekend, when all of a sudden 5 police officers with their guns drawn, come into the garage. That's pretty scary. Turns out a neighbor called the police on my friend. He and his wife were able to convince the police that no abuse was going on and there was no domestic dispute had taken place.
But so much of that could have gone wrong. There is still a way to go.

I wanted to go on writing about this last night, however falling asleep at the keyboard is considered a bad thing, so back into the fight.

One of the articles I wanted to touch base on was from the Limping Chicken. It's a deaf related blog in the UK written with tongue firmly in cheek.
John Barrowman is an actor who's star is on the rise. My daughters have a bit of a crush on him after seeing some of the roles he's already performed, but that's besides the point.
In this article he had gel molds placed in his ear and he went deaf for the day. My respect for him grew exponentially after seeing the video and seeing him try to experience what I go through all the time.
This last week in particular and navigating life in general has been a bit rougher and this article brought it home for me. I forget how much energy I spend on focusing with people around me. It's one of the reasons I get fatigued. The article also described it as isolating. No exaggeration there. In a store full of people and co-workers, I am alone. It's been over 6 hours and I can count the people I talked to/ interacted with on one hand.
Well just want to say I'm keeping my head up and trying to do things that make me feel better. Keeping active is the best way to handle the isolation.

45 years ago today

July 20, 1969 is a day that will be remembered that mankind left the cradle of Mother Earth, stepping out into the sea of stars. Today marks the 45 anniversary of when Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin stepped out onto the lunar surface. An estimated 600 million people watched the crew of Apollo 11 take those first historic steps. There are pictures and videos in that link up there from the Huffington Post. They're worth a look.
So where were you on that day?
Some of us were to young to remember. A lot of my friends hadn't been born yet. I confess to being all of two at the time. There are brief flashes of being dragged in front of a TV set to see something, but my childhood memories may be confusing that with the Apollo-Soyez space linkup.
I took a moment to look at the photos and video links and paused to wipe a tear from my eye. I'm doing it again now. Few things affect me this way, and this is one of them.
Now instead of bitching about 'why don't we go back there?', or pleading with the public about the collateral science and economic advancement that goes along with every time we go into space, I'd like to take a look at what we've done in the nearly 50 years since Apollo 11.

• We (the collective human race.) have built Space stations.
• We have launched robotic spacecraft to explore our solar system.



Everything from discarded rockets to the functioning ISS.

• We have launched countless satellites 
• Orbital telescopes further our understanding of the Universe.

And finally, the scientific advancements and education made possible by these discoveries.
Here's one more: a timeline of space exploration advancements.
Soon, even that will have to be rewritten. There is a spacecraft approaching Pluto.
Here's what I find amazing: the New Horizons spacecraft is already taking pictures of Pluto. Right now it looks like a fuzzy dot, which is what it looks like to us, but it is needed to adjust the trajectory of the robot explorer. NASA got it to the general vicinity, now we need to fine tune the direction. That's how far away it is. As of this writing New Horizons is 28.78 astronomical units (AU) away from earth. That's roughly 4.305x 10 to the 9th kilometers away. Yeah, yeah, I know: numbers that don't mean anything to anyone. The distance from the Earth to the Sun is 1 AU. Horizons is nearly 29 times that distance right now. Still doesn't make sense? A radio message takes about 4 hours to get there. 8 hours until the craft sends one back. Talk about lag!
With all that we've done, some people still have problems making their bed every morning. Kind of puts things in perspective, doesn't it?

A thought

It's amazing how my weekend can get suddenly cluttered. This morning I got a text asking if my girls can volunteer at a convention downtown. The wife is working, so guess who has to play taxi? I don't begrudge them this bit of fun. It's summer, things will be changing soon enough when school starts. This convention is for anime enthusiasts. While I think anime is a legitimate art form, it attracts the younger crowd. I'd feel like a dirty old guy surrounded by giggly school girls. A few years ago, the whole family went. To be fair there we're males present. Some were also dressed as giggly school girls. The beards were a give away. No, I was pretty sure they weren't just wearing kilts. Scotsmen don't wear school uniform skirts. This year I can safely duck out of this one. Text me when you're ready to come home girls.
My first batch of apple cider will be ready. I'm thinking of loading a case up and after I drop the girls off, I'll head to my sisters house. This was her idea after all. I'll be catching up on things I've let slide. Fix this. Repair that. Wash the car. Weed the garden. Oh, yeah. They want me for Federal jury duty too. There's a form I have to fill  out. They want me to be on call for the entire month of August. Phoning in and receiving instructions by automated message. Uh, yeah. I better fill that form out tonight. Sorry guys, this isn't going to work.
There is a part of me that thinks it is my civic responsibility to participate on a jury. I got close on the state level once. The lawyer dismissed me when I mentioned I could read lips. What's he have to hide? Boy, that restored my cynicism in the law right away.
You see, I will think long and hard about the situation. If I believe you are innocent, or at least not guilty, then I will do everything in my power to see justice done. If I think you are guilty of the accused crime, then I will come down the hardest on you. None of this wishy washy leniency thing. Perhaps I'm turning into a grumpy old guy. Simply put, I'm not taking as much crap as I used to put up with.

Two out of three

This can be applied to so many things

A while back I saw a Venn diagram similar to this, but instead of 'perfect',  there was the word 'good'. The rest of it still applies, and to so many situations. Art, retail, design, manufacture... the list goes on.
The trick is to strike a balance between the three. More often than not, you have to skimp on one of those depending on the situation.
Slowly, but surely, my oldest is packing her room, going through 18 years of memories and what not. She assures me it's getting done. Each day I look into her room, I see more bare floor and progress is being made. This tells me she's doing it, but I'm going to have to tell her to pick up the pace. We'll be leaving in a few weeks.
Both my daughters have told me they want an adventure, and that was partially the reason they ultimately decided to go to college out of state.
There's applause and dread welling up inside of me. My babies are ready to fly. There's a part of me that is wondering how well they'll do. My wife and I taught them as much as we could, the rest is up to them. Perhaps I should run a countdown? Nah, I'm not in that big a rush to see them get out the door. The oldest leaving in a month, the middle daughter making plans for what happens in two years time.
I keep telling myself; 'I'm not old... I'm not old...' Perhaps I'll believe that one day.
Physically, my wife and I are in the best shape of our lives. We have all our teeth and we're eating healthy. I'm actually 10 to 15 pounds lighter than I thought I was. For some reason I believed I was in the 190 lb. range. Last week I stepped on a scale and lo and behold, I came in at 176!  Over the next few days (before meals, end of day.) I averaged 180 pounds. I'm comfortable with that, really. That's no reason to order the jumbo cheese fries or the triple scoop ice cream. 
It's a bad thing to discuss weight with my wife. I actually think she looks good. Being taller than I am, she carries it well. Knowing her like I do, I've noticed she's not flabby or saggy. I might go so far as to say she's toning up. Now we both could exercise more. My job has plenty of opportunities to burn calories and work out. The catch phrase I find myself using is, 'Who needs a gym?' 

Family

Last post I talked about my father in law passing away. This post is related to that. For the last few days I've been traveling. Dealing with family, loved ones, lawyers and funeral directors.
My impression? 'That's it, I'm not dying. You won't find the body, you won't prove anything.', was the first thought to occur to me. I wouldn't put my family through this. Aside from how asinine that statement is, I realize no matter how specific I am or how I put my affairs in order, there will always be people to quibble over my casket. Side note: I am to be cremated, stuck in the ground near a fruit bearing tree... I'm really into recycling. Plus, there is a story in there, so hands off, it's mine.
Funerals are for the living. When I'm gone, I won't care or give two shits about what goes to who. Instead, hire a band. Celebrate my life, don't mourn my death. Have a bonfire. Light some fireworks. Possibly an open bar... After one or two rounds, each of my friends must tell a humorous story of one misadventure or another.
"Remember that time he stole that stop sign?"
"Well, we took a leak on the city limit sign as we were leaving."
"He arranged that paintball battle..."
"That time the raccoon got loose in the office..."
"We tricked that guy into eating a dog biscuit..."
"When we lit those fireworks and the desert caught fire..."
"He got this girl to talk about her bowel movements on video."
"Those exploding cigarettes..."
"He filled my apartment with balloons."
"That jerk put a wasp nest in my dresser."
Yes, those are references to true misadventures. My life is anything but boring.

My father in law loved his first wife. After she passed away, he found happiness and married a second time. It is possible to love more than one person in your lifetime. One should not eclipse the other or divide what has already been built up over the decades. Instead, find the middle ground to honor both.
Yes, there were a lot of awkward moments this past week when things weren't done right. It is my wish to minimize that when I have a go 'round.

Fight the good fight

Well, I was going to write about the Supreme Court decision supporting Hobby Lobby, citing religious belief to deny insurance covering contraception, but I'm going to let George do the talking. When I say this isn't the country I grew up in, I mean letting bigotry disguised as religion dictate policy. We are becoming a theocracy, pure and simple. I'm saddened that the separation of church and state is becoming such a blurred line. I for one will vote with my wallet and not shop at Hobby Lobby. I urge my friends to do the same. 

Last night, a man I deeply respect and admire lost his battle with cancer. Richard Benton Turnbull, my father-in-law, passed away after 2 AM EST. He was suffering from stage IV cancer for the last several years. Over the years he taught me patience, mainly by putting up with me. He showed me how not to act rashly and to think before committing to an action. Perhaps I taught him something in exchange, but I doubt it. The man had a deep, broad understanding of life that can only hope to match.
Often times we told each other jokes, he did most of the telling, I did most of the listening. It took a while for me to transition from 'Mr. Turnbull' to 'Dad', but that was on me, not him.
I'll miss that easy going smile he had for every person he met. When ever we parted company, I would ask him if there was anything I could do for him, what would he like me to do. The answer was the same. 'Be the person you are.'
Thanks, Dad. I'm going to try and be the best person I can be.