Sunday, September 8, 2013

What is done

Busy weekend. When you own a truck there are two questions asked the most often:
Can you help me move?
Can you give me a jump?
For that reason, I carry a set of jumper cables and some straps in my cab.
Now one of the man rules states that moving furniture for friends is to be compensated by one of the following:
Beer, food or gas.
The standard rule is one beer per flight of stairs and or heavy furniture. Since my buddy was moving from house to house, no extra beers were added into the price for moving.
Come to think of it, I didn't get fed or gas money allocated. Some one owes me for two days of moving his washing machine, comic books and couch. These are services rendered. Pay up bub, open a tab.
Now you might ask, what are 'man rules'?
This is the unwritten code men live by. People have tried to define it and there have been several attempts to put things down in writing.
Here's some of the rules to pay attention to.

  • No cameras are to be brought to a bachelor party, period.
  • Unless he murdered someone in your family, a friend must be bailed out of jail within 12 hours.
  • If you've known a man for 24 hours, his sister is off limits... Unless you are going to marry her.
  • Whining about the free beer in your friend's fridge is forbidden.
  • On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines road stops, not the weakest.
  • Buying a birthday present for another man is strictly optional, as is remembering the birthday in the first place.
  • friends don't let friends wear speedos, ever.
  • When you come across other men watching a sporting event, it's okay to ask the score, never who's playing.
  • No two men shall share an umbrella.
  • Only in situations of mortal peril are you allowed to kick a man in the nuts.
  • Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or slice of pizza, but not both.
  • Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you are on equal footing. i.e. both urinating, both washing your hands. In all other cases, a nod is all that is required.
  • There is no reason to watch ice skating or men's gymnastics.
  • You may exaggerate an anecdote by 50% without fear of reprisal. Anything beyond that and people within earshot may call 'BULLSHIT!'
  • When queried by a friend's wife, or girl friend, you need not provide any useful information as to his whereabouts. In some cases you may deny his very existence.
  • The minimum amount of time you are required to wait for a buddy that is running late is five minutes. For a girl it is ten minutes for every point on the standard 1-10 hotness scale.
  • Being the wingman for a buddy who is trying to hook up with a hot girl is your legal duty. If you end up hooking up with her less comely friend, (i.e. taking one for the team.) Your friend is required to keep his fat mouth shut. 
  •  Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask permission, in turn, he is required to grant it.
  • Universal compensation for helping a friend move: Beer, food or gas.
  • You are not required to like your girlfriend's cat.
  • Before allowing your drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you are required to intervene once. If he tells you to fuck off, he's on his own.

There's more, but I don't know where I put them.

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