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Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Milestones

My eldest child turns 20 tomorrow.  Wow. There's not much point dwelling on the past, except to see how far we've all come. Getting to know all my children as they bloom into adulthood had been an honor and a privilege. They are going to be a fantastic adult, striking equal parts respect and awe in those they meet. They're not afraid of the small, petty minded stuff. In fact, they are going to make a dent in the world. I'm sure of that. Deep down I feel they were meant for more, that their sense of worth is higher than mine.
Back when my child was born, the first hands to touch their skin was mine. At that moment I stopped living for myself and began living for my children. My entire existence now revolved around them, as it should be.
My eldest child is finding themselves and creating a new world out of whole cloth.  You might have noticed I'm only using one pronoun to describe my child and that's because they are trying to figure out who and what they are. That's okay. The only thing I want them to be is happy.

A wise man can change his mind. He can listen to facts and opinions and come to a decision. He may have to reevaluate some previously held beliefs and conceptions. It took awhile for me to understand what they are going through; after all I have nothing in my personal life experience to base this on. But here's what I do know:
Casting blame, making them feel bad or criticizing them for being outside the 'norm', is a sure way to drive your own flesh and blood away from you. We've seen it all happen that way and I'm sure you know a friend who was cast out of their family for being gay or feeling uncomfortable in their own body.

I choose to not be like that. Not to give into hate or fear. Being compassionate and caring about my child's well being. After all, family is my top priority. One of my rules is I don't do fear. I don't fear someone who has different skin or religious preference. Certainly I'm not afraid of my child. That would be counter-productive. When my child came to us, the parents, the first emotion I felt was relief. Not shock, nor anger. The fact that they felt brave enough to come to the parental units spoke volumes.
I love my child and would do anything for them.
The first words I said were along the lines of; 'You're not getting out of the family that easily.'

I am proud of my child. Neither male or female. Rejecting society's norm and finding their own niche. The only thing I can do is be patient and be there for them.



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