Changes

Just another average Saturday. Well... average for me equals insane crazy runaround for everybody else. That looks bad when I write it. You think I protest too much? Perhaps, but everyone is so freaking slow. I go to the bank to make a deposit, they're not open. I try and put away some riding mowers and have to beg someone to help me. They don't have to do any work, just keep people away while I do my forklift thing. Coming home and the traffic is so snarled I have to wait it out. Okay, that one is a given. Rush hour on Friday is everyone's problem. I try not to be out during that time. My day starts while the sun is still thinking about coming up. The day ends after the sun sets. My life is going by in one perpetual sale event. I call these 'day wasters'. I can't do something before I go into Lowe's, and I can't do anything afterwards. Eat, work, sleep. That has been the highlight of my life for the last 10 years... and it sucks. This is why I'm trying to change things. My job is interfering with my work. 
Think about that one.
My day-to-day job at Lowe's is trying to keep me from doing the stuff that is truly rewarding. Despite interference from Lowe's, I'm slowly getting some short stories typed up.
In a way I have to thank the rat bastards. Their short sighted efforts in keeping me down have only made me more determined to change. Even if I only write one sentence at a time. Now of course I'd like it to be more, but most times I can't sit there and squeeze 6 hours of work into 30 minutes. Despite what people think, writing is work. I don't spit gold nuggets out the first time on command. I have to dig and polish, edit and revise. Get behind the big steam shovel and move some earth, rather than use a teaspoon. My spirit may get tarnished during the week, but my spirit rebounds on the weekends. I will write. I will write well. I will rise above the close-minded assholes and when things start to go my way, I will forget them... Except when I need a good villain to kill off. That's what ex-brother-in-laws are for.
Two ways you can make it into one of my stories:
Sometimes I'm able to insert the names of good friends as characters. There is a certain Russian blacksmith in my book that bears a strong resemblance to one such friend.
The other way is to piss me off.
I won't name you, but the description will fit you perfectly. You will know who you are. Think of me staring at you from on stage, singling you out from the audience. You'll also die in a spectacular way. It's quite therapeutic for me, personally. Offing the offending pointy haired boss in a hail of gunfire, or crushing him slowly in a compactor. It's all good fun.
But for the really evil rat bastards that live to make my life miserable, I will forget you. Banishing you to the dung heap of obscurity. Keep your retail sales and profit margins. You are a small cog in some corporate giant. Your name won't even come up on a Google search.  You deserve pity, and I will forget you. Success is after all, the best revenge.

Where did my paycheck go?

The world owes me nothing, but I'm a bit depressed and frustrated by what's going on in my life. My paycheck was a measly 500 bucks... again. My paycheck is being garnished to the tune of 150 bucks bi-weekly. 300 dollars a month. Here's where I get mad. I've tried deferment and exemptions to no effect. They want their money, I get that. I told them I could send them my resume, but they didn't want to hear that. If I had a job that would allow me to pay them, I really would. It's not like I sit at home and say, 'let's get a big screen TV rather than pay bills.' Come on... get real folks. I can barely put gas in my car. According to Food Stamps, I make too much money. I can't feed my kids. I can't pay my bills. I'm going to lose the house if this keeps up. Not that losing the house would be a big loss. If the health department saw the place, it'd be condemned. The phone has been off for a few weeks. I'm writing this from a friends house. No one reads this, so I can rant and vent. There's one more trick up my sleeve. Tomorrow the taxes will get done and I'll see about getting one of those quick refunds. That's a short term fix, but we'll see. It won't address the long term issues that plague the family. Carol isn't getting the teaching job and most likely never will. She keeps going for openings and has recommendations galore, but it seems we are not greasing the right wheels.Who am I going to have to kill or fuck in order to get her a decent job?
It's simple really: if I have to choose between feeding my family or paying off a bill, family wins every time. Why can't anybody see that?
This morning I told Carol that I'm considering filing for bankruptcy. I've been keeping that at bay for years, but I just can't seem to get ahead here. I'm sick and tired of this. I feel worthless because I can't take care of my kids. I can't do the right thing by anyone. Don't get me started on how they'd like to get rid of me at Lowe's. Two weeks back, I got sick, heaven help us if someone got seriously ill.
The stress is killing me. Seriously, my body isn't springing back the way it used to. Lets's be honest: I'm not spring chicken. My back and legs are taking a lot of abuse and I won't be able to hold out for very much longer.

Things to be happy about.

I'm 45 and in great health. I'm seeing more and more of my peers having 'health issues', so I count myself lucky.

The Walking Dead season will begin in a few days. The Next Star Trek movie and Season of Doctor Who will also start in the spring.

J.J. Abrams has been confirmed as the director for the next Star Wars movie. No, that wasn't a joke.

My family and I are planning a spring break vacation in Florida. I'm looking forward to connecting with some old friends while there.

Which reminds me, I have to request the time off.

I just figured out I can almost get three gallons of gas from the royalties of my e-book. Won't be quitting my day job anytime soon.

While on the subject of writing, the sequel to Travelers Road is mapped out on some legal pads above my desk. I'm about 85 pages into a first draft. Nice start, but gotta keep going.

As long as I have coffee with my breakfast, all is good.

Never mistake malice for stupidity. People may seem like they're being shitty and mean toward you, but in reality they're just ignorant little pissants. There is this manager at my work who I began to suspect she had it in for me. I kept telling myself, she was just doing her job. Weeks and months would go by, I would keep to myself, work hard, and let the details sort themselves out. She has forced me to re-evaluate that first sentence. 
I'm sure she's a nice mother, grandmother, and wife. Well... I'm sure she's a mother. Whenever she tells me to do something, she ends it with a crocodile smile. Ignoring that eat crap and die grin isn't easy, it's her little way of saying 'fuck you'. Technically she is my boss. She isn't my superior. That list is very short, but I'm sure she isn't on it. She is also the one responsible for forcing me to 'voluntarily' step down from my management job. I'm chalking that experience up to a deal made under duress. We see this all the time in retail. If the people in charge like you, opportunities for advancement open up. If some of the higher ups decide they don't like you, then you languish in purgatory, your life becomes miserable until you get fed up and find work elsewhere. Then it's not their fault, you see. No one got their hands dirty and the 'undesirable' is gone. When I did step down, I had to write a letter explaining it was my idea. (Ha!) and in no way is Lowe's responsible or liable. I did write that with a straight face. In truth, I was tired of fighting for my job. Three years, perhaps more, of being under the microscope was getting on my nerves. They were looking for an excuse to fire me for a long time. The reason I cited in the letter was my hearing had degenerated to the point that I could no longer serve customers to my satisfaction. While trying to take the high road on this, I voiced my dissatisfaction with Lowe's and their 'all inclusive' environment. Speaking from experience, I can assure you it's all lip service and bullshit.
But I don't let that pull me down! As of this week, I've sold 30 books. That's great and I'll feel better when a couple of zeroes are on the end of that number. For strict word of mouth, that's not bad. This weekend I'm going to do a little research on how to market and promote the book. If all I had to look forward to was my crappy job at Lowe's, I'd have gone off the deep end. What makes this torture bearable is that I'm plotting to escape. So yeah, I totally identify with Steve McQueen in The Great Escape. I can put up with the gestapo commandants because I'm secretly digging the tunnel out of the death camp. Retail stores are where living souls go to die.

Sorry for not posting. Visitors from out of town and a disagreement with AT&T regarding internet access limited my internet time. As fate would have it, my friend's grandfather got very ill, very quickly. He passed away suddenly and long story short, my friend ended up spending a little more time in San Antonio then he intended. We got to spend a little time together, but events conspired against us. Not that I'm holding any grudges. On the contrary, I'm grateful for the time we had. With careful planning, we managed Cowboy Breakfast and made it out to Kreuz Meat Market in Lockhart, Texas, while still fulfilling his family obligations. My wife and I spent time with our friends. Short, but quality time.

A couple of interesting things happened. They had a mechanical bull set up at the breakfast. As we passed, I couldn't help but notice the man about to ride the bull. Long white Gandolfian beard, this 60ish gentleman handed his walking stick to a friend and proceeded into the bull pen led by an operator. What caught my eye was the red on the cane. The man riding the bull was blind! A mixture of fascination and awe struck me as I saw this guy last the full time on the machine. Torn between saluting his bravery or shaking his hand and hoping some of the greatness would rub off, I settled for applauding his effort. At least that way he knew we were watching.

The second noteworthy item was seeing the look on everyone's face as they bit into their lunch today. Indescribable. I can't believe no one has heard of this place. Let me say it again: Kreuz Meat Market (Pronounced: Kri-its) If you come to Austin or San Antonio, make the trip out to Lockhart. You'll be glad you did. 

By now you noticed that I tend not to drop names. Part of that is I like to afford a little privacy to my friends. On the same token, I try not to call attention to detractors who try to bring me down with insults or condensation. I did mention my wife's name. That's not slander or praising her, or as Lyle Lovitt says: 'that's no lady, she's my wife.' 

The annual cold that sandbagged me for a few days seems to have run it's course through the family. My littlest is rebounding quite nicely and has been fever free for almost 24 hours. 

To all the germs and flu bugs out there, this is my message to you:

Is that the best you can do?

A good friend is coming for a visit. It just so happens his in-laws live in the same town as I do. There is a rule in my house: No one leaves hungry. Even if the person has a cracker on the way out the door, the rule is met.
'By all means,' I told him. 'Take care of family obligations first. I'm off all weekend and of course, at your disposal.' We agreed on dinner Friday night.
Cooking for my friends is a joy for me. After careful consideration, I'm going with Chicken and dumplings, cheddar biscuits and salad. Perhaps I should pick up a bottle of wine. Better yet, that really fine tequila I discovered.
His wife is graciously allowing some guy time while she visits with the rest of her family. I'm thinking road trip, but maybe not this time. There's plenty to see and do around town. To be fair to my wife, we should go out as a group. I don't want to be selfish. Stuff like this is better when it's shared.

My oldest daughter is of the age where she'll be getting her drivers licence soon. While I'm worried like every parent is about this rite of passage, I wish to impart some wisdom about driving a vehicle. Those of you who don't know, I did some stunt work back in my early days. What I learned then got me out of some serious scrapes. What should have been a fatal accident, turned into a close call.
Driving instructors are going to cover all the basics of defensive driving, and that's a good thing. Here are some rules to live and drive by.

• Let the other guy go first. The world is full of people who have to get across the road/lane/city now. They speed up, cut people off and try to beat the stop light. They're trying to get where they're going because it's important to them. These folks have a death wish. If you see one of these guys coming up behind you, let them by. Chances are you'll be passing them after the ambulance pulls their broken body from the wreckage... or at least when the cops pull them over.
• Where ever you go, pad the travel time by 10%. That way you're not one of those guys I mentioned previously.
• Trust your instincts. If something doesn't look right, don't do it. Many years ago, my new car and I found ourselves at an intersection behind a truck carrying some sheetrock. My girlfriend was suggesting I speed up and go around the truck. I couldn't put pin it down, but something looked out of place. Not really knowing why, I put the car in neutral and took my foot off the clutch, just as the light turned green. When the truck took off, the top layer of sheetrock slid off and landed exactly where I would have been if I had done what my girlfriend wanted me to do. The whole load wasn't secured or tied down. There is no doubt in my mind that sheetrock would have gone into my windshield and ruined my day.
• Make a decision. A lot of accidents occur because the driver changes his or her mind. Don't be that kind of driver. 'Oh, I want to get off... here.' and slide across three lanes of traffic. Yes, I've seen it done. No, I'd rather take the next exit and double back. If you are going to pull out into traffic, or anything, for that matter, commit to the action 100%. No wishy-washy erratic impulsive driving.
• Properly adjust your mirrors. A lot of blind spots can be eliminated or reduced simply by adjusting your rear view mirrors. Turn your mirrors so that none of your vehicle is in the mirror. I blame cop shows that feature the good guy on stakeout. We see him in his car, through his side view mirror. That's just Hollywood, folks. In reality, you should place the edge of your car slightly beyond the frame of the mirror. Trust me on this one. It won't eliminate blindspots all together, but 95% will be gone.
• Always look for the escape route. Make it a game. 'If the guy in front of me were to suddenly go berserk, where would I go? By the same option: adjust your driving so that there is an escape. Somebody's tire can blow and send the car in front of you turning, twisting and screeching. If you've spaced yourself far enough away, you can steer clear of the accident and be the one who got away.
• Drive with your thumbs next to your hand. What's the first bone in the body to break during a head on collision? Not the chest or ribs, although you might think it's those, but your thumbs will dislocate or shatter before you hit the airbag. (Speaking of which, don't count on an airbag to deploy.) You might end up with a few scrapes and bruises, but even from a small impact, your hands could be bandaged up for a few weeks. You'll lose weight because you will have trouble feeding yourself and forget trying to text someone.

I'll think of some more, but these are the major points I wanted to cover.